family, motherhood

What I Didn’t Expect about Working from Home

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Working from home with my baby wasn’t how I pictured it.

When I got the go-ahead to work from home two days a week with my daughter, I thought I had found the best of both worlds: I’d still be stimulating my mind and keeping my professional skills sharp, while getting to spend time with my baby.

I had always heard that working moms envied stay at home moms because they missed out on milestones while their precious babes were in the care of someone else. Meanwhile, stay at home moms daydream about a whole day in which a tiny human does not rely on them to deal with every bodily secretion.

Working at home was the holy grail. I had found the greenest grass; no other situation could possibly be better than this.

Or so I thought.

It turns out that working from home with a baby is a challenge. Some of the biggest struggles that I faced:

  1. Taking a “lunch break” meant multiple breastfeeding sessions throughout the day.
  2. Nap time was necessary if I wanted to get anything done during normal working hours.
  3. Most of all, my attention was never fully on my daughter and I felt guilty about that.

That last one came as a surprise.

My sweet girl loves interacting with others. And as she grew and gained mobility, she took to crawling over to my laptop and trying to sit on it to gain my attention. I apologetically pushed her aside every time, all while worrying that she would start to believe the screen in front of me was more important than her.

It wasn’t, of course. I was just trying to do my job so I could financially support her. I would be able to explain this to her one day, but you can’t explain this to a 1-year-old… no matter how many times I said, “I’m so sorry, baby. Mama has to work right now.”

What I learned is that ALL moms struggle.

Working moms are separated from their babies. Stay-at-home moms never get a break. And as a working from home mom, much of the time I was overwhelmed with conflicting priorities.

We would all do well to give each other more grace. 

Moms and dads alike struggle with balancing the demands on their time. No matter what your working situation may be, it is hard to be a parent. In fact, parenting is a full time 24/7/365 job in and of itself.

It’s also the best job in the world. But that doesn’t make it easy.

Encourage the parents around you. Lift them up with your spoken words, with an uplifting note, with your actions, and in prayer.

You never know which mom or dad in the office might have just spent their morning cleaning vomit out of the carpet. Trust me; they can appreciate a simple, “Your kid is lucky to have you.”

“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”(1 Thessalonians 5:11)

Photo credit: Pexels.com/energepic.com
motherhood

I Didn’t Breastfeed a Full Year and It’s Going to be Okay

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I nursed my daughter for 10.5 months.

The American Academy of Pediatrics would say that I didn’t breastfeed long enough.

An average French mother would think I was insane for nursing for such a long time.

You know what? The method that I chose to feed my baby was neither of their business.

I had difficulty breastfeeding.

It hurt longer than I was told it would. Clogged ducts are no joke. I’m grateful I never got mastitis.

But most of all, I didn’t expect to have a supply problem.

I exclusively breastfed for 3 months. In that time, my daughter went from the 28th percentile for weight to the 2nd.

And yes, I drank TONS of water. Yes, I ate lactation cookies (and they were DELICIOUS, but did nothing to help my supply). Yes, I drank Mother’s Milk tea. Yes, I tried all the things. But nothing worked.

It was obvious that my newborn was constantly hungry and sometimes wanted to eat every half hour. In between feedings, I also tried to pump (supplement with breastmilk, say all the experts!) and the results were always discouraging. There was never any extra to save for later.

At my daughter’s 3 month check up, her pediatrician gently broke the news that she was undernourished. He suggested supplementing with formula. And he was a huge breastfeeding advocate (and good friend) so I knew his advice came from a place of loving concern for my daughter.

I started supplementing with formula and my daughter’s weight immediately jumped up the chart.

Formula was a blessing.

In my daughter’s case, she needed the additional calories from formula to grow. We found that supplementing with formula was what was right for US.

But that doesn’t mean it will be right for you and your baby.

Your baby may thrive with exclusive breastfeeding.

You may supplement with breastmilk or formula.

You might use formula from the start for a variety of reasons.

Guess what: it’s all good.

The choices that you make as a parent are yours.

New parents are inundated with decisions, and it goes far beyond feeding. Go on any new parent Facebook group and you will see parents battling each other over issues like co-sleeping, sleep training, first foods, screen time, and more.

But these decisions are yours to make. As long as your baby is loved, cared for, and safe, you are doing it right. You automatically made the right decision (and there is not just one right one.)

My daughter is now a healthy, thriving toddler, right smack in the middle of where she should be in height and weight. She constantly surprises me with what she is learning. Most recently, she chimes in with “E-I-O” when we sing Old MacDonald. Formula didn’t make her fat, or stupid, or cause her to be less emotionally attached to me – she runs to me just to give me a hug at least once a day.

What formula did do is help my daughter grow. It’s that simple.

Formula gave us peace of mind.

We gave our daughter formula with confidence, knowing that we were doing what we needed to do to ensure she grew and developed appropriately. On a personal level, I felt so much less stress and pressure to produce more, more, more to keep up with her demands. With that stress gone, I became a less anxious, better mom.

My focus went to my daughter, not to my breastmilk.

I was able to quit breastfeeding at 10.5 months so my husband and I could travel for a week without our daughter. I stopped because I wouldn’t be able to nurse during that time and didn’t want to pump. I thought I would miss it; I was sure that if it wasn’t for that trip, I would have nursed until she’s 2. But honestly? I don’t miss it at all.

  • I don’t miss wearing only easy access nursing clothes (although Latched Mama is the best in the business for them).
  • I don’t miss pumping. At all.
  • I don’t miss the scheduling demand… making sure that I was home from a haircut or a church event by a specific time in order to feed the baby.
  • I don’t miss planning a single glass of wine around my baby’s next feeding.

I thought I would miss it for the cuddle factor. My daughter and I logged a lot of hours together snuggled up nursing and I thought I would automatically lose that sweet time of connection.

But I didn’t. Even though my toddler would rather run around dumping bins of toys that be held, I still hold her every single day. We still rock in the glider in her nursery as we sing a bedtime song and say our prayers. She still falls asleep on me when she’s really tired. These things will end one day, but quitting breastfeeding didn’t stop them.

The point is this: love those babies. Think through the choices you make for them. But don’t let the choices paralyze you with anxiety or guilt. Breastfed or bottle-fed, cloth-diapered or disposable-diapered, homemade baby food or from the jar, the babies will turn out alright.

The babies will turn out alright.

family, motherhood, pregnancy

8 Reasons Why a Scheduled C-Section is Not the End of the World

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When my OB/GYN laid out the possibilities for the delivery of my breech baby, I was devastated. A planned C-section was the safest option. And absolutely not what I wanted.

I had my plan. Visions of calmly laboring in the tub while soothing music played in the background had danced in my head for months. I wanted the room to be dimly lit and relaxing with Christmas lights aglow. I did not want my baby to come into this world in an OR.

I originally thought a scheduled C-section was the end of the world. I broke down and cried and felt all the hormonal emotions when I found out that my dream of laboring in that hospital tub with Christmas lights all around me would not become a reality.

But much to my surprise, I became the loudest cheerleader for C-sections after experiencing my own. Here’s why:

1. No Labor

I have a low pain tolerance. In fact, I found pregnancy itself painful. But what is more pain than general pregnancy discomfort? Contractions. Or so I’ve heard. The worst that I had to deal with were mild Braxton Hicks contractions. But childbirth has a reputation for being painful for good reason. And with a planned C-section, you get to avoid that.

2. No Tearing

When a baby arrives via a Cesarean incision, that means there will be no vaginal tearing. My daughter didn’t take the usual “path” and that was A-okay. Why? It turns out that she was born with a head in the 99th percentile for circumference. There would have been tearing if she had taken the usual way out. Personally, I’m glad she didn’t.

3. Recovery is (Sometimes) a Snap.

Of course, all recoveries are different because all women are different and have gone through different pregnancies. But with a little help from the pain meds I received at the hospital, I felt ready to be active again after about a week. I ran a 8K race just five weeks postpartum. Family members regularly told me that I should slow down, but I was listening to my body. I felt fine, almost completely normal. And I have a little scar below my belly button to thank for that.

4. You Get to Plan Everything

Type A mamas rejoice! Knowing exactly when you will have your baby means that you can plan ahead. This means you can have your house clean, your hospital bag fully packed, dog-sitters arranged, and even know the schedule of who is visiting the new baby the first few weeks. This was a huge benefit for me personally. Once we knew when the finish line was coming, all the arrangements could be made with a firm timeline. No more waiting and wondering.

5. No Rush to the Hospital

It’s a surreal feeling to park in the hospital parking deck knowing that you will leave with a baby, but not being at all in a hurry. I casually walked inside and even had time for photos along the way. It’s stress free. There were certainly no worries of having the baby in the car on the ride to the hospital when I wasn’t in labor.

6. Relaxed Atmosphere in Surgery

This is not the case for all planned Cesareans, but in many cases the surgery will be fairly routine. My OB/GYN chatted throughout the process, keeping me relaxed and at ease. In my experience, the explanation of a C-section sounds much scarier than it actually is.

7. It’s Faster

I have friends who suffered through labor for days and pushed for hours. But the C-section process took about an hour from getting a spinal at the start to being sewn up and wheeled back to the recovery room with a sleepy, pink newborn in my arms. After nine long months of waiting, it’s like you get an express lane for a baby. No harm in that.

8. The Result is the Same.

This is the main point: at the end, you still have a baby. On October 24, 2017, I became a mother. And on that day, I learned it doesn’t matter how your baby enters the world. What matters are the moments to come.

A C-section isn’t the end of the world. It’s the start of a little life who becomes your whole world.

family, fatherhood

A Thank You Note to Daddy

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Every so often, I like to tease Dustin about the fact that he wasn’t ready for kids when I got pregnant with Emmanuella (it’s not a secret that she was a surprise). Why do I tease him? Because he is an incredibly devoted father and simply obsessed with our baby girl. Now he likes to claim that I am the one who wasn’t ready – ha!

Emmanuella is one lucky little girl to have Dustin as her daddy. For the past seven and a half months, I have had the privilege of watching him be loving, sweet, silly, and generous with our daughter. He is so involved with every aspect of fatherhood; Dustin was made to be a dad.

Our daughter can’t yet express gratitude, but if she could, she would thank her daddy for so selflessly doing the following things:

  1. Thank you daddy for all the diaper changes. When we were in the hospital and mama wasn’t allowed to get out of bed, you stepped right up and changed my diaper. You had never done that before, but learned how to do it just for me. And you’ve done it a LOT since.
  2. Thank you for dancing with me. It was really fun when you used to dance with me until I fell asleep. Now that I’m older, I don’t fall asleep that easily, but I still love to dance with you (and always will).
  3. Thank you playing with me. My new favorite game is knocking over the block towers you build for me. And you even get in my baby pool with me. You’re silly and I like it!
  4. Thank you for staying home with me while you work. It has been a lot of fun to roll and crawl around the room while you are at the computer doing your job. I know that you have a lot of work to do, and so I try not to be needy while you do it. But I know you’ll always stop to feed me a bottle whenever I want.
  5. Speaking of bottles, thank you for washing them all the time. You’ve washed them (and the breast pump parts) a lot more often than mama has, and that hasn’t gone unnoticed.
  6. Thank you for treating mama so nicely. You help her out with all kinds of things. I usually want to eat right after you and mama do, and you always clear the table and start the dishes so she can nurse me.
  7. Thank you for being patient with me. When I was brand new, I was still learning what the world was. I had never seen anything like it before and it was a little scary. Sometimes I cried for no good reason, usually during Wheel of Fortune and Jeopardy. You like those shows, but you never got upset if you couldn’t hear them over me.
  8. Thank you for being a good role model. I like to watch and learn from you; you have a lot to teach me.
  9. Thank you for being there to put me to bed every night. I always look forward to my goodnight kiss.
  10. Thank you for loving me every day. I’m usually good, but some days I’m fussy, and you love me just the same. And I love you too.

Happy first Father’s Day, Daddy! Thank you for being mine!

motherhood

What I Want for My First Mother’s Day

me-and-ellaSunday will mark my first Mother’s Day. Six months ago Emmanuella made me a mama and I will be forever grateful. For 197 days, I’ve spent my time feeding her, changing her, rocking her, and trying to outnumber her cries by her giggles. They have been the most joyous days of my life.

In a way, I still feel undeserving of Mother’s Day. My sweet angel is nearly always content. Strangers ask me, “Is she ALWAYS like this?” when she shows off by smiling her most gigantic open-mouthed smile at everyone she meets. I respond, “Most of the time.” And it’s true. I’ve been blessed with an easygoing child.

But whether I deserve it or not, this is a holiday in celebration of me (and all mamas). And so, here is my first Mother’s Day wish list:

  1. I want Emmanuella’s happy days to overshadow the few in between that are sad.
  2. I want to provide for the needs of my child.
  3. I want to teach Emmanuella to care for others first.
  4. I want her to know that a relationship with Jesus is the most important relationship in her life.
  5. I want my daughter to one day marry a man with a heart like her daddy’s.
  6. I want my baby to have a solid foundation of faith to fall back on when hard days come.
  7. I want Emmanuella to enjoy a healthy life.
  8. I want her to have strong bonds with friends and family.
  9. I want my daughter to never fear the consequences of doing the right thing.
  10. I want her to see the best in people.
  11. I want Emmanuella to grow up to be a woman of integrity.
  12. I want her to be known for her kindness.
  13. I want my baby to see the value of learning new things.
  14. I want my daughter to know that making mistakes is okay; we can learn valuable lessons from them.
  15. Overall, I want Emmanuella to always feel loved and cared for.

That is my greatest Mother’s Day wish of all.

 

family, pregnancy

Why We Aren’t Revealing Our Baby’s Name until the Birth

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*Photo of the nursery wall. Below this castle is our daughter’s name. No one is allowed in there until she’s born.

I’ll admit it. This used to drive me CRAZY. I could not stand the couples who kept their baby’s name a secret until after the birth because I needed to know. A co-worker could tell you about how I was so desperate to know her son’s name that I dreamed about it on multiple occasions. I was convinced that child would be named Josiah Christopher. He wasn’t. It turns out I don’t have the gift of prophecy.

Now my husband and I are one of those couples who refuse to share our baby’s name with the world. And you know what? It’s really fun.

People have been trying to weasel our baby’s name out of us for weeks. But we still haven’t cracked, or even come close to slipping up. My husband has actually gotten pretty good at giving out politician-style vague answers. For example:

Person seeking name: If your child was to line up with her class by alphabetical order, would she be near the front or the back of the line?

Husband: That depends on the names of the other kids in the class.

You have to admit, that’s a good answer.

I’ve heard many horror stories of parents who announce their child’s name to the public before the birth only to get hateful comments in response. By delaying our baby’s name announcement until after she is born, we are preventing this from happening. My theory is once the name is attached to a beautiful baby girl, you can’t say anything negative about it anymore.

That said, here are our reasons for keeping _________’s name a secret.

  1. If you don’t like it, we don’t want to know. 

Sorry, but it’s true. It’s not your kid. You don’t get a say. So, when we do share our baby’s name, if you think it’s too long, too short, too old, too new, too boring, or too unique, keep it to yourself. Thanks.

2. If you knew someone who was a jerk with that name, I’m genuinely sorry, but that person is a completely different human than our baby.

Just because the only person you’ve ever met named _________ was mean to you does not mean that our child will be a bully as well. Like, not every child named Taylor has grown up to be a world famous pop star. Why you would think the baby’s name has anything to do with her personality is beyond me.

3. If you think it’s going to lead to some mean nickname, we’ve already taken that under consideration.

Trust me. LOTS of thought went into choosing our baby’s name. You don’t have to try to think of ways it could be used against her in the future. We already have.

4. We don’t feel the need to “claim” the name before someone else does.

Some people have asked me what I would do if a friend named their child ________ before I had my baby. Well, I’d name her that anyway. After all, it’s already on the wall in her nursery. Proof that we’re not just copying. And that wall decal was WAY too much of a pain to take it down now. 

5. It keeps one thing just between us. 

This was really the whole point. Pregnancy is today’s social media-driven age is so very public. And much of that is a positive thing. Friends by the hundreds have left encouraging comments on Facebook and Instagram or “liked” my growing belly posts.

But as my husband pointed out, everything about the past nine months has been public. There was the big pregnancy announcement, followed a couple months later by the gender reveal. I even started this new mama blog! It has been a blessing to share our joy with friends and family throughout this time, but we found it important to keep one thing just between the two of us.

In just a few days, ________’s name won’t be just ours anymore. But for a short time it was. And in a strange way, it made us feel like a family, even before she was born.